America, can we talk?

So it’s tough when you see someone you care about hanging around with a total jerk. If you speak up there’s a real tendency for your friend to get all defensive about the jerk. At moments you realize how bad this guy has been to you, America. Heck about four years ago you almost ditched him. But then you went crawling back. Hey, it happens. But now, now you’re ready to move on from that controlling, violent nitwit that you’ve been with for the better part of this decade.

Here’s your choice: you can hook up with one of his friends. Sure this guy will tell you that he’s a “maverick” and that he’s different from his pal, but watch him shrink from this kind of stance once your man comes around. The other choice is a new guy who doesn’t have quite so much baggage. Maybe he’s not got the experience, but at least he seems cool. That’s it, cool. He’s not afraid of fight, but he won’t drag you into a bad one either. Look, I don’t agree with the new guy on everything, maybe you don’t either, America, but trust me, I think most of the rest of us would prefer that you get away from that crowd you’ve been hanging with since 2001.

What I’m saying here is that we’ve all winced watching you in this terrible relationship, now you have chance to leave all that behind. You’ll be much better off, and I think the rest of us will get to see your better side again. What do you say, America?

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